Ayahuasca Sessions in the Peruvian Amazon

Post-Vipassana: Experiential Understanding of Suffering

2010-05-15T18:43:00.000-05:00

The day after the Vipassana ended I stayed at a friends place in Lima (whom I met the final 20 minutes of the workshop).

He was going to smoke and offered the opportunity to me, though warning me that it may not be good after all the work I did with the Vipassana.

He had to go out to meet his girlfriend, but left a packed bowl for me if I decided to.

I meditated, which was great, and then decided to smoke on his roof.
Afterward, I knocked out the ash into a sink in the bathroom. The ash got everywhere and was wet. By this point I was full of these old habit patterns of anxiety I used to frequently encounter after smoking. These were habit patterns that arose sometimes when I had to do a task and it was overwhelmingly difficult while high.

Then I noticed I could not see very well. My vision wasn't blurry, it was more like I just wasn't perceiving as well - not focused. So I tried to really focus on my hand and the toilet paper I was about to tear for the cleanup. As I did this I remembered a conversation from the previous day with my friend Carlos. He discussed how he likes to really take his time while making and eating food, really being with each moment. These led to me looking up into the mirror.
Suddenly I returned to my peaceful, equanimous, post-Vipassana state of mind.
The anxiety was abruptly swept away.

Then I received the download...

Experiential Understanding of Suffering:

The change in my consciousness was so tangible and substantial. I saw how states of anxiety, worry, fear (all negative emotions/thoughts) drive our consciousness towards 0, towards nothingness and an equanimous mind, a calm and peaceful mind take our consciousness up towards God, towards Infinite Consciousness.

From My Journal: "I was full of anxiety in the bathroom and I yanked myself out of the lower Reality into a higher Dimension of Consciousness or Frequency of Conscioussness...I became above the lower Reality like vertically, like I was on a higher level."

It was like I popped out of a smaller Russian doll into the next largest one.
One thing that is interesting about this design of Reality is that you can view lower realities, but you cannot perceive the higher realities.

More insight the next day: "An equanimous and peaceful mind does not force you into such a definite Reality"

This peaceful and loving state of mind, directly following intense suffering, evoked a memory from an Ayahuasca ceremony where this happened.
In both situations, after recovering the peaceful mind, I felt so humble towards God and I felt like a little child who was back in God's arms - I was back to a place I had been before and I could not believe I had forgotten yet again. I felt so exhausted from the suffering, like a slave who finally was told he would not be whipped any longer and he is filled with ecstasy and gratefulness.

Wizard of Realities: (20 min later)

I was chatting online to my mother and Zach and suddenly I thought of this joke to make to my mom, then I pictured myself on stage as a stand-up comedian and how I would pitch the joke. Then (through remaining equanimous) I "snapped out of it" and suddenly it was like I zoomed out of the "stand-up comedian Reality/thoughts/story-line" and I saw it just existing in front of me to the right. It was one path I could choose (putting my full attention to my imagination of myself as a stand-up comedian, which was completely consuming my consciousness - hence it was my Reality). But it was just one path of the infinite possibilities that exist for us each moment. This became experiential for me in this "zoomed-out-state". Then I felt like this Wizard hopping in and out of Realities. Wild!!

Moses and Egyptian Magic:
From what I have read about Egyptian science/magic (mostly from Sign and the Seal) the Egyptian high priests (of which Moses, as the son of the pharaoh, was a part) could actually do the types of things discussed in the Exodus (like the plagues, turning a stick into a snake, etc.). It seemed to me this "Wizard of Realities" archetype I experienced would be a similar state of being to that which the high priests embodied (especially when performing this magic).

The craziest thing to me, is the only way I could really explain how a high priest could perform magic would be through quantum physics. It is my scientific knowledge of the basis of Reality that sent me upon this spiritual journey.

Exercise:
Try to experience the fact that literally anything is possible and the only thing possibly keeping you from experiencing this is your own consciousness - your own state of being.

April 2010 - Vipassana Meditation (Lima)

2010-05-15T17:18:00.000-05:00

After the April workshop, I went to Lima for a Vipassana Meditation.

Vipassana is the meditation (and way of life) brought to the world by Buddha.

The technique is very simple and very Universal..very.

Vipassana works to eradicate mental defilements.

How it works (paraphrased from S.N. Goenka):

A way of life is taught - how to live peacefully, how to live harmoniously within, and how to generate nothing but peace and harmony for others.
Nothing to do with any blind belief or dogma or rites or rituals, just a way of life - the entire path is universal.

#1
The first problem is we have no control over our own minds.
Which is why the first thing that is taught is how to develop mastery over one's own mind.

To do this, you must train the mind to be concentrated upon one object or another. The object used is universal it is not sectarian.
One is asked to develop concentration in the mind by observing respiration - natural respiration, as it goes in, as it goes out.
You do nothing, you simply observe it as it is.
Let nature play its own role: if the respiration is deep, you are just aware - it is deep.

#2
The next step is to get the mind purified.

One is asked to observe one’s own mind. Observe the bio-chemical reactions in the body.

Because when an impurity arises in the mind – anger, animosity, anxiety – what starts happening in the body?

There is some unpleasant sensation on the body.

One is asked to observe that sensation. There may be heat in the whole body, tension may build up.

Do nothing, just observe it. Just accept the fact that there is anger that is in my mind at this moment, and look there is heat in my body, or tension. Whatever it is, just observe that and accept that at this particular moment my mind is full of this particular feeling.

And you will find you will start coming out of it. You have not suppressed it, you have not given it free life where you perform some vocal or physical harm – you just observe it. Observing, observing, observing – layers after layers of impurities get peeled off. And one comes out of it.

Not only this, but if one continues to practice this: one comes out of the particular habit pattern of which you have become a slave. Everyone has become a slave of their own habit pattern or behavior pattern.

Whenever someone experiences something pleasant, the habit pattern has become to react with craving, react with clinging.

Similarly, whenever someone experiences something unpleasant, the habit pattern has become to react with anger, with aversion, with hatred.

And in both of the cases, one becomes very agitated.

With this meditation practice, one slowly starts to break this behavior pattern. And one slowly starts coming out of it.

Whenever one creates some negativity, they become very agitated, very miserable. As soon as you generate any negativity in the mind, you are bound to become miserable. And when you become miserable, you never keep this misery to yourself, you start throwing this misery all around you. You make the entire atmosphere around you tense.

This is not a good way of life.

This technique teaches you how to live a good way of life. How to live peacefully, how to live harmoniously. How to generate nothing but peace and harmony within oneself and how to generate nothing but peace and harmony for others. So when people come into contact with you, they also feel very peaceful, very harmonious.

Approaching a Tipping Point - Ingression of Novelty in 2010

2010-05-15T17:03:00.003-05:00

The material-technological ingression of novelty should be apparent to everyone reading this. But more subtly, the spiritual-intuitive ingression of novelty is not.

For this I am very thankful for my opportunity to spend 5 months at the Temple of the Way of Light. I have been able to watch this ingression occur within myself, within others, and within the collective – through common themes and through group coalescence.

Grant came to the Temple for a workshop in January, since he has been talking with Lucine (a facilitator) daily. His description: “It is like two different worlds, the Temple is working on an totally different dimension.”

People talk about a dimensional shift occurring, a shift in consciousness. A substantial one has taken place, compared to the masses. The Temple is a prime example. Again, I have been lucky enough to witness and take part in this shift.

People here are loving and they all have the same general understanding of what is going on with the world and this new way of living our species is rediscovering. One could call it “Living by Spirit” or “Living for Spirit”.

Living by (for) Spirit

For we walk by Faith, not by sight. – 2 Corinthians 5:7

Tao Te Ching:

Allow the Tao to carve you into a vessel for Tao. – Poem 28

Stay centered in the Tao and the world comes to you. – Poem 35

The world is won by letting things take their own course. – Poem 48

[The Sage] hasn’t any ambitions,

hasn’t any ideas, makes no plans.

From this mysterious place of not-knowing

and not-doing he gives birth to whatever

is needed in the moment.

Poem 50

These are the principles by which these people attempt to live.

To give oneself up fully to the Tao, flow on the river of life.

With the intent of spiritual growth for yourself, your species, your planet.

I believe more and more people are beginning to live in this manner and they will formulate the foundation upon which a New World Age will enter.

A Couple Examples:

Mike:

He lives in California. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself, but he felt he was just being told “Get out! Get out!” (not frantically, but like sternly). He attended the May workshop and had a vision on Ayahuasca where Ayahuasca told him that he would come to the Temple to volunteer. And further, gave him the instructions. He is to drive across the US, to Massachusetts, where his family is. And then fly back to the Temple July 15..he was given a date.

He is going to do it...no questions asked.

Becca:

She is from Australia. She has been flowing through life for years. She found her way to Peru a month ago, when she was put into contact with a man who owned an Ayahuasca center in Peru. She chatted him on Facebook asking about an opportunity for her friend to go to his center for free. He happened to just get out of a meeting where he was told the center needed a facilitator and he knew of her facilitation skills and experience. A couple conversations later, she was hired.

A couple weeks later, the place really wasn’t working out for her – shaddy shaman…the owner saw her, knew she had to get away from the place, so he paid for her to come to the Temple.

A couple weeks at the Temple, Tracy and Lucine (the facilitators) love her and she is going to volunteer and possibly become another facilitator.

Becca is ecstatic about the opportunity and feels like she is really getting into her life work. She plans to be here through the end of the year, and possibly very long term.

Tracy/Lucine: Interestingly, from the other side, Tracy and Lucine have been talking about increasing the number of facilitators to lessen their work load and to allow them to take breaks – creating a rotation system among a group of facilitators. Within a month, Becca looking to facilitate an Ayahuasca center, enters the Temple and their life.

Me:

My experience has been unbelievable. I seem to experience a concept, then get bombarded by people talking about the concept. This is what happened with “Living by Spirit”.

May was my last month at the Temple and now I am headed to Cuzco to do Shamanic Yoga (shamanicyoga.org) with Russ.

I met Russ at the April workshop the first day. He told me he runs a consciousness school and that caught my attention.

He told me more about the school the next day and how it is $600 a week.

Then the next day he comes to tell me: “I thought about you in ceremony last night and loved your enthusiasm. I got the idea, though, that your pretty tight financially, so I would like to offer an opportunity to study with me, if it is something that interests you, and we can work with you, what ever your financial situation is.”

This is exactly what I am looking for! This will provide me with a vocation (teaching physical yoga) when I need to make money. I also believe I have an opportunity to work with Russ and the school towards our goals to help humanity through this very special time.

This is the manifestation process. I have found it works best when you truly desire and intend for the highest good – for yourself and the Earth and the Universe. This intent combined with a stillness of mind allows you to become “a vessel for Tao.”

Timewave Zero and the Flow of the I-Ching

2010-05-15T17:02:00.000-05:00

Time-Wave Zero is a computer program made by Terence and Dennis McKenna in the 1970s that describes the ebb and flow of novelty over time. The time-wave is fractal, which means each part follows the same formula as the whole. In other words, the description of the flow of the novelty in nature remains the same when describing a human, a plant, a species, a planet, a galaxy, etc.

The program is based off the I-Ching and the mathematics and understanding were downloaded during time they spent in the Amazon eating mushrooms.
(Their theories are described in The Invisible Landscape and their story is told in True Hallucinations)
From what I understand, Dennis spent the couple weeks completely “out there” becoming the solar system, then the galaxy, further and further out. Then reached a point and slowly began to come back, to smaller and smaller until he was back into his body. This must have provided him with an amazing experiential understanding of the fractal nature of the universe.
Meanwhile, Terence was hastily and continuously writing down mathematics he did not even understand. What formulated over the following months was the Time-wave, an almost-too-difficult-to-understand explanation of the flow of time or the ingression of novelty that was all very organic. I resonate with that very much. They were trying to figure out exactly what organisms are and how they function.

Novelty v. Habit
To them, time described the ingression of novelty, opposed to habit. (i.e. learning to crawl is novel, then you get good at it and it becomes habitual, then you learn to stand and walk and this is novel, then you get good at it and it becomes habitual) The evolution of the Universe is simply the ingression of novelty.

Concrescence
The I-Ching Time-Wave ends at 0 – which means things become the most novel possible.
Terence and Dennis describe this point as a singularity – a point of concrescence which provides for unlimited novelty.
Concrescence is the formulation of a unity from parts that were originally separate.
This to them was also the ending of an Epoch or World Age.

Applying the Theory of Concrescence to Three Fractal Levels
The fractal quality of Nature means that this time wave is happening on all scales (of space and time)—and therefore, this singularity, this concrescence, happens on all scales.
Human Species and Earth – Our Section of the Scale
At a point of concrescence, the human species or Earth will become a more harmonious unity—or begin to act as a unity.
The Universe – The Largest Harmonic
One ultimate time-wave describes the entirety of the universe, which would also end in an ultimate concrescence—where everything is put into harmony with everything else.
The Evolution of the Universe, of Reality, is the concrescence of consciousness, so as to increase the harmony of Reality as a whole. This happens on Planets (with species like us) then for Solar Systems and Galaxies, expanding consciousness further and further.
The Individual and the Present Moment – Accessing the Smallest Harmonic
The saint is “perpetually inspired”.
For sub-atomic particles, the time scale to complete an Epoch or World Age is small – occurring billions of times a second (this is the frequency and speed in which energy is constantly collapsing into matter).
What does this imply?
Every moment is a singularity, a concrescence.
Every moment a time-wave function hits 0.
Providing the opportunity for unlimited novelty.
I believe we are able to access this unlimited novelty moment to moment. I also believe we are able to access this concrescence moment to moment. The latter being enlightenment, the former being “miraculous” abilities that come to humans as they increase on the spiritual path. The McKenna’s download itself is explained by this very instance of the theory.

I-Ching: Chinese Divination

2010-05-15T16:59:00.000-05:00

Divination is a technique that offers one advice or insight into their life. The I-Ching is a series of 64 hexagrams. One hexagram is 6 lines, one on top of the other. The lines can either be solid (—) or broken (- -).

The technique:

1. Think of a question for the I-Ching, or a situation for which you would like advice. (i.e. I am moving to Cuzco to begin training with Russ with his Shamanic Yoga Teacher Training course. What can I expect from this?)

2. Flip 3 coins (with the question in mind). Based on the number of heads and tails, there are four possibilities – broken line, solid line, broken changing line, and solid changing line. The details of changing lines aren’t important at this time.

3. You repeat 6 times, one for each line of the hexagram.

Note: I believe much of the success of this technique is dependent upon having a still and serene mind with calm confidence that you will receive the advice you need.

This has worked amazingly for me the past two months and I am just beginning to understand how it works.

Scientifically, the world is constantly coming into manifestation – waves are constantly “collapsing” into being, becoming a particle at a certain point in space/time. In the unmanifest, where everything exists as waves, there is infinite possibility. Literally. All possibilities of all times/places exist in this field of potential.

Formula:

A serene person focused on a situation with the intent to receive advice (directional consciousness)

+ the coin flips (randomness)

+ the I-Ching (which describes the flow of the Nature of Things, the flow of Tao)

Access to your situation as it exists in this Quantum Field of Infinite possibility.

A snap shot of the Archetypal energy and its flow.

Salvation/Deliverance/Enlightenment

2010-04-06T21:50:00.001-05:00

Here is the World-View of a Sage:

The basis of reality is Consciousness—not materiality.

Everything is connected, interrelated through this Consciousness.

I’m pretty sure this has been proven by various types of science—quantum physics, quantum biology, parapsychology, etc.

This is also the conclusion I came to from experiences with Mushrooms and LSD.

Beings are in a cycle of birth-death-rebirth.

We are in this cycle because we identify ourselves (our “I”-ness) with the body and the personal self (i.e. our personality, feelings, thoughts, habitual conceptualizations, habitual reactions).

This identification is the cause of suffering/pain/craving.

There is a Tao or Way to be followed to escape this cycle and put an end to the suffering/pain/craving, through the identification with the Consciousness that is the basis of reality.

Escaping the cycle is the goal of each human – and each being.

“As to means to salvation, these are simultaneously ethical, intellectual and spiritual and have been summed up with admirable clarity and economy in the Buddha’s Eightfold Path. Complete deliverance is conditional on the following:

first, Right Belief in the all too obvious truth that the cause of pain and evil is craving for separative, ego-centered existence, with its corollary that there can be no deliverance from evil, whether personal or collective, except by getting rid of such craving and the obsession of “I,” “me,” “mine”;

second, Right Will, the will to deliver oneself and others;

third, Right Speech, directed by compassion and charity [unconditional love] towards all sentient beings;

fourth, Right Action, with the aim of creating and maintaining peace and good will;

fifth, Right Livelihood, or the choice only of such professions as are not harmful to any human being or any living creature;

sixth, Right Effort towards Self-control;

seventh Right Attention or Recollectedness, to be practised in all the circumstances of life, so that we may never do evil by mere thoughtlessness;

and, eighth, Right Contemplation, the unitive knowledge of the Ground…

Such then are the means which it is within the power of the human being to employ in order to achieve man’s final end and be ‘saved.’”

Aldous Huxley – “Salvation, Deliverance, Enlightenment”

This escape is referred to as Salvation or Deliverance or Enlightenment.

This is the ultimate message of the worlds religions.

To the sage, the world is a drama or dream, it is unreal and temporal and impermanent. Eventually everything goes back to the Pure, Eternal Consciousness that is the basis of reality—it is only a matter of time. So, everything is perfect and will always be perfect. With this view substantiated, the world loses its seriousness and stresses. The world, as the means to an End, provides one with the appropriate lessons – opportunities to better oneself and prepare oneself to apprehend the Pure Consciousness. The people and situations we encounter are part of the drama--a dream our consciousness projects out as reality.

Note: It is so nice to work and interact daily with people like Tracy. One of the first meetings for each workshop is about Ayahuasca and the experience. This past time she mentioned how each of our consciousnesses has created this reality of being in Peru at the Temple. There was no need to explain this, everyone is on the same page...

This is what I am currently working towards—deliverance for myself and humanity.

The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil

2010-04-06T21:31:00.000-05:00

Everything is judged and categorized personally into Good or Evil, Good or Bad, comfortable or uncomfortable, liked or disliked, pleasurable or painful.

This is our Original Sin.
One is able to transcend this judgment and see everything in its suchness or is-ness.
Just being.

Analogy:
A Yankee fan watches a playoff series between the Red Sox and the Yankees.
Yankees are good.
Red Sox are evil.

Yankees win game 1 - the man is ecstatic.
Red Sox win game 2 - the man is disappointed.
Red Sox win game 3 - the man is worried and disheartened.
Red Sox win game 4 - the man is fearful.
Yankees win game 5 - the man is hopeful.
Yankees win game 6 - the man is excited.
Yankees win game 7 - the man is prideful and arrogant.

A Baseball fan, who has no preference for either team and just enjoys baseball for the game itself, watches the same series.

Yankees win game 1 - the man is peaceful and intrigued.
Red Sox win game 2 - the man is peaceful and intrigued.
Red Sox win game 3 - the man is peaceful and intrigued.
Red Sox win game 4 - the man is peaceful and intrigued.
Yankees win game 5 - the man is peaceful and intrigued.
Yankees win game 6 - the man is peaceful and intrigued.
Yankees win game 7 - the man is peaceful and intrigued.

The difference is clear, one man has transcended the Good v. Evil drama that exists between the Yankees and Red Sox, the other man rides a roller coaster of emotion.

The Yankee fan is comparable to most of us today--with preferences in the food we eat, the people we spend time with, the clubs and bars we attend, etc. Especially, in how we feel--constantly cycling between: Feeling great and partying! and Feeling shitty and recovering..

The Baseball fan is analogous to one who has transcended the fleeting world of Good and Evil and abides in what the Christians have termed "holy indifference". Remaining peaceful and joyful as situations and people enter into his life and pass by, constantly retaining a "steady will to conform to the divine Tao [Way, or Nature of Things] or Logos on every level of existence..."

March - Ceremonies 18-23

2010-04-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

I was led through the book The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali and I came across a couple of sutras about Ignorance and Impermanence.

Ignorance comes when you regard the impermanent as the Permanent; the impure as the Pure; the not-Self as the Self. Ego stems from this ignorance and is specifically identifying with your body, thoughts and feelings.

The ceremonies following this reading dealt with this lesson.
What is Permanent and what is Pure? The Self...the Eternal, Pure Consciousness. The Witness of your body, the Witness of your thoughts, the Witness of your movements and feelings, etc.
The body, our thoughts and feelings are all impermanent and in a constant state of flux and change. Identifying with them, we regard the impermanent as Permanent. This is also regarding the not-Self as the Self, for you are not your body or your thoughts or your feelings.

During the day I would be constantly trying to discern between the permanent and impermanent.

In ceremony, my consciousness would be overtaken by these imaginary dramas--I would suddenly be in some social situation with people talking about some senseless subject. Then I would suddenly awaken from this and go back to focusing on my intention for the ceremony.
A couple days later, I realized this represented what was happening in my life. I would walk around, solely intent on discerning between the impermanent and permanent, then my consciousness would be overtaken by a drama--talking to different people about various things, the Temple and the workers, or how my day was going, etc. Then when it was over, I would go back to my intention and realize I had just been virtually unconscious for the conversation, just habitually reacting to my environment.

Ceremony 22
I don't really remember any of what happened.
But, during the day I read the chapter "The Nature of the Ground" in Huxley's The Perennial Philosophy which describes the divine Reality and what exactly it is.
The following is Huxley's explanation of the Ground and its three aspects:
"The divine Ground of all existence is a spiritual Absolute [defined as pure consciousness on page 8], ineffable in terms of discursive thought, but (in certain circumstances) susceptible of being directly experienced and realized by the human being. This Absolute is the God-without-form of Hindu and Christian mystical phraseology.
...The Absolute Ground of all existence has a personal aspect. ...For Christian mystics, the ineffable, attributeless Godhead is manifested in a Trinity of Persons, of whom it is possible to predicate such human attributes as goodness, wisdom, mercy and love, but in a supereminent degree.
...Finally there is an incarnation of God in a human being, who possesses the same qualities of character as the personal God, but who exhibits them under the limitations necessarily imposed by confinement within a material body born into the world at a given moment in time."

I was convinced on the first aspect--the spiritual Absolute, the singular consciousness that underlies and is the basis of Reality. I understood the last aspect to a degree, I was convinced that one could apprehend this ultimate Reality. The Personal God was the aspect I had trouble with.

When I awoke after the ceremony, I finally understood the Personal God and understood how the three aspects relate to one another.
Attempted Explanation:
Aspect 1: Everything, at its very essence, at its ground, is unmanifested, attributeless, pure consciousness.
Aspect 2: The Personal God is the perfect manifestation of the Godhead, hence the supereminent attributes of love and wisdom. It is also perfect in form, here we find Sacred Geometry--which is the geometry of nature (on Earth and celestially).
"Our Father who art in heaven.
God is ours--ours in the same intimate sense that our consciousness and life are ours. But as well as immanently ours, God is also transcendently the personal Father, who loves his creatures and to whom love and allegiance are owed by them in return. "Our Father who art": when we come to consider this verb in isolation, we perceive that the immanent-transcendent personal God is also the immanent-transcendent One, the essence and principle of all existence. And finally, God's being is "in heaven"; the divine nature is other than, and incommensurable with, the nature of the creatures in whom God is immanent."
Aspect 3: Incarnation in a human being. There is a Tao or Way that, if followed, allows God to be made manifest in yourself.
"He is only present to thee in the deepest and most central part of thy soul." - William Law
"A man has many skins in himself, covering the depths of his soul." Eckhart
The picture that begins to form here is that God exists just after the Godhead, as the unmanifest becomes manifest. Though perfect and inherent in every person, the many hides we have covering the depths of our soul keep this perfection from manifesting. These skins are the personal self with its personality and habitual reactions. We are able to shed these skins and come to a point where we allow God to shine out from the depths of our soul.

February - Ceremonies 10-17

2010-04-06T18:00:00.000-05:00

These ceremonies were incredibly healing psychologically - and physically in my brain.

Noga, the night before she left, worked on my body with a Reiki-type technique. She began at my head and almost immediately mentioned my father. This was the second person to have mentioned my father and control issues to me.

Over the ceremonies, everything in my head unraveled.

Ceremony 13 - Rebirth
I experienced the birthing process (as the new born) and understood its intensity. One must be passive and let the universe work its ways, while, with passivity and docility, allow the process to happen in you and through you. The process was overwhelmingly intense and had a spiraling aspect to it. I would be taken through different stages that alternated between overwhelming and peaceful and between active and restful. This seemed very much to correlate to the birthing process, which itself was symbolic of and analogous to the processes of the universe.
After I was birthed, I felt very new and vulnerable. I began to long for love and comfort, from my mother for example. I began walking around the Temple grounds (the ceremony was over by this point) looking for my friends to comfort me. I got lost--being still very much under the influence of the medicine. Then I found someone back in the Maloka, who offered to comfort me. This turned out to be a mistake and it was very uncomfortable. The universe was showing me how a new-born, without his mothers love, begins to run from one thing to another searching and longing for that comfort. I knew this time (opposed to when I was birthed last time) I had to find it within myself and with the universe (or God) through myself. This was incredibly profound and I was going to make sure this time I would "be ye lamp unto yourself, be ye a refuge to yourself [and] betake yourself to no external refuge [and] hold fast to the Truth as a lamp; hold fast to the Truth as a refuge, look not for a refuge in anyone besides yourself." (The Perennial Philosophy 203)

When I was a baby, I would cry in my crib and my parents would have to come and hold me as I drifted to sleep. They consulted the doctor about this problem. The doctor said to let me cry myself to sleep, so as to learn to sleep alone and to put myself to sleep. I believe this is where much of the problem began, crying nightly, longing for parental comfort. It seems the conclusion is that, for whatever reason, the child is not yet comfortable on its own and needs more comfort and love from the parents, simply in the form of holding the child closely, skin-to-skin. Part of the problem could also stem from not being breast-fed, which a few males especially have had problems with.
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman:
An experiment with mice showed that baby mice that received more love and nurturing from the mother were more confident and adventurous, wondering more freely throughout the living space, walking along more dangerous/narrow pathways, exploring more.

In college I became a very confident and outgoing person, but it is because I had found comfort externally that allowed for this to happen. I would always say "I would do anything in the world, as long as one friend of mine was with me." This is a direct manifestation of my complex.
This complex is also the reason I was so lonely when I first got to the Temple. All my comforts were gone: my friends (esp. Candace) were gone, all sorts of foods were gone, alcohol and weed were gone, partying was gone.

Now, "holding fast to the Truth as [my] lamp, and holding fast to the Truth as [my] refuge" I can live freely, with no need of externals to comfort me.

Conclusion
The last ceremony concluded with me, unable to sleep because of the effects of the Medicine, going up to my Tambo and sitting outside on the ground under a full moon and some beautiful clouds. I had to keep my mind from wondering and began to focus on my breath. This was not some spiritual meditation. It was very simple and grounding, just watching my being as I inhaled...and exhaled.

This was a prelude to the March Ceremonies, which focused around spirituality - enhancing my understanding of Reality while allowing me to develop practical applications to bring more awareness, joy, understanding, and love into my daily life.

Thank you to my friends for your support and asking me to continue to write!

DNA & DMT: Searching for the Communication Medium of Plant Spirits

2010-02-15T09:13:00.002-05:00

The Phantom DNA Effect:
Discovered by Drs. Grajajev and Poponin (reference: Spiritual Genome)
"[These doctors] were attempting to measure the actual vibration pattern of a DNA sample."
"They illuminated this specimen DNA with a laser light that produced a typical wave pattern on a screen."
"They removed the sample [and] there remained on the screen a regular wave pattern as if there was still a material sample of DNA being illuminated. A control experiment demonstrated that this secondary wave pattern must still be coming from the original DNA sample that was removed. The control experiment had no DNA sample placed in the radiation beam and only a random pattern was produced on the screen."

"In a particular experiment conducted by Vladimir Poponin it was found that DNA will cause randomly dispersed light photons in a vacuum to line up in an orderly fashion in alignment with the DNA."
Implication 1: DNA can structure space-time.

"Other experiments describe how DNA removed by as much as fifty miles from the biological donor will show identical and simultaneous responses to the changes in the emotional state of the donor. In other words, as argued by Fosar and Bludorf, there is a simultaneous hypercommunication within the DNA."
Implication 2: DNA acts as a non-local communication medium that transcends space-time.

"DNA substance in vivo (i.e. living tissue, not in vitro) reacts to the speech modulated laser light, as well as radio waves, provided the correct frequency is found. They were able to direct the information pattern from one DNA sample onto a different sample, and thus able to effect a transmission of the genetic information."
Implication 3: DNA can be modulated (changed) by sound and light waves.

Implications:
1. DNA can structure space-time.
2. DNA acts as a non-local communication medium that transcends space-time (hence the simultaneous responses of the DNA).
3. DNA can be modulated (changed) by sound and light waves.

In the world of Ayahuasca, there is a certain paradigm that exists about life, plants, and our interaction with plants.

Firstly, one begins to view plants as, not only sentient beings, but highly intelligent beings. Many people discuss how Ayahuasca had been "calling" them, practically forcing itself into one's life. It seems the plant searches for people and finds ways to bring them to her.

Next, one finds themselves communicating and working with these beings through the Ayahuasca experience.Basically, you drink Ayahuasca, then the plant spirit is in you and begins to work (with you) on yourself. This communication can be extremely manifest and "normal" (i.e. seeing the Ayahuasca spirit and having a verbal communication with it). Of course, much of the communication is more subtle and simply different than the verbal and visual communication we are used to.

Lastly, many people (Shane on numerous occasions, Andrea, and Petra, notably) describe going into their DNA during a ceremony and having various experiences, such as changing their DNA or extracting ancestral information from their DNA (both specifically Shane has experienced..and they are not mutually exclusive). For Petra, she went into her DNA and used (or observed) clicking type sounds change her DNA. Andrea had the same experience, except light was used to change her DNA. This implies two possibilities: either these are two modes of perceiving the process of modulating DNA (audio or visual perception), or two distinct methods of modulation (through sound waves and light waves). Again, these possibilities need not be mutually exclusive. Shane has described two different experiences. In one, he was watching these beavers digging and digging at his DNA, as they were searching for and removing the death and decay they found. Another one of his experiences, through his DNA he saw his lineage and saw his "dare-devil" gene (Shane's father found many of his relatives and recent ancestors died between the ages of 20 and 30 from various "dare-devil" type adventures or stunts, Shane himself says he was almost a victim of this a handful of times) and proceeded to change this gene.

I believe that DNA is the medium in which communication with plants and plant spirits occurs and that this is the medium in which a collective conscious can act in unity (it seems that each Ayahuasca vine doesn't have its own, individual spirit, but that the plant species is a unified, sentient being). I believe this can explain the entirety of the Ayahuasca experience--how we communicate with plants, how plants are sentient, how we heal ourselves with the plants, how we access information (and have visions) of the history and future of the Earth, the cosmos, our species and other species, lineages, and individual lives.

I believe DMT gives us subjective access to this communication medium.
I believe we are at an evolutionary tipping point and speculate that through this evolution our DNA will be changed and DMT will begin to regularly be released into our brains through our Pineal gland giving us continual access to this communication medium.
If this speculation has merit, there are numerous possible implications:
1. There will be a spiritual revolution.
2. We will be able to structure reality seemingly at will, through our intention. This will be subjectively experienced as loving a plant/person and wishing them health.
3. Along similar lines, we may be able to manipulate physical reality seemingly at will, which could allow for such things as de-materialization, using sound or thought to move enormous objects (i.e. build a pyramid and erect 200-ton stone obelisks without modern technology).

January Between Workshops: Ceremony 8

2010-02-08T12:20:00.001-05:00

Background:
January 29, the day after Ceremony 6, we were sharing our experiences. John and I had been discussing problems we have had with our fathers (mainly in high school for me, but those emotions were still very present when thinking of high school). Then I told this lady Andrea about my experience.

Andrea is a German woman who currently lives in France. She works with Iboga, a hallucinogenic root bark used by indigenous people in Gabon, Africa. She did a week long initiation where all she could drink is water, while she was on a wooden floor (not floor boards, but cylindrical pieces of wood) and did Iboga. Iboga ceremonies can last up to 24 hours and has been described as "10 years of therapy in one night" and "breaking open the head". She has worked with Ayahuasca as well and describes how Iboga is much more grounded and connected with the Earth, where Ayahuasca can take you up into these celestial realms. In accordance, Ayahuasca is a vine that creeps up a tree, while Iboga is the root of a tree. I've come to learn this is not ironic, this is the intricacy in which nature works.

While telling Andrea of my experience from the night before, she suddenly asks "Do you have problems with your father?" I was so surprised, John and I had talked a couple times just briefly mentioning we both had, but not going into much detail and nothing about my experience was about my father..I told her I had and she asked if he was controlling and such and I said that was pretty much exactly what the problems were. I was so intrigued because she was being so intuitive and accessing information that was not given verbally..or physically. I asked her how she knew and she said "It just comes to me sometimes.." haha.

So I talked briefly with her on January 29. Then on January 30 and 31 I continued talking and asking questions. The picture that began to emerge was how this control my father not only put upon me, but also himself and that this was most likely a family issue he inherited from his father, which, knowing my father and grandfather, seems to be the case. I began to see how I inherited this control and, though I did not think of myself as controlling in any sense, slowly began to see the very subtle ways I use my thought and speech to control myself and my situations and how I can become very judgmental of others when I believe I know a better way for them to act. I began to understand that I must be accepting of every situation and of others actions, regardless of circumstance. This is because the external world is only a reflection of the mind and each moment of one's experience is specifically manifesting as an opportunity for their own advancement and growth. Also, accepting the actions of others is necessary because each person is on their own path and forcing information upon them without their request for advice is almost always not beneficial for that person. This was difficult for me because in many situations I felt I understood what was wrong with someone's actions and I would get frustrated they were acting a certain way, but I have learned to begin to accept their actions and use these situations as challenges imposed upon me by the universe to see if I can remain peaceful and centered and begin to accept the other's actions as perfect for their path, as well as my own.

Intention:
Surrender to the medicine.
Clear anything blocking my growth and my vision (referring, most likely, to the control/judgment issue discussed above)

Experience:
The effects of the medicine came on strong. The first 45 minutes of the ceremony, before the maestras begin singing, seemed like hours and hours. After what could have only been about 10 minutes, everything began to melt away (not in a good way) and I opened my eyes and looked around the Maloka and just cold comprehend any of it, I began to feel very alone and very scared. Finally, practically whimpering, I spoke "Brian?..Brian?..Please help...please help" I was so sad and felt so alone.
Tracie came over to me and told me Brian had gone to sleep and that Angus and she would be facilitating the ceremony. I had her stay by me for a good while and I was just grabbing on to her. She and her touch were the only things grounding me and keeping me the slightest been sane and in reality. After a while I asked her what was happening with the icaros and she said they had not began to sing yet, this is when I realized how altered my consciousness was. I then asked her what was happening, as in happening to me. She said that my body was going through a lot of changes and a lot of intense and deep healing. This reassured me soooo very much.
After this she had to talk with the maestras, though I didn't want her to leave. I thought I would go back into my loneliness. Instead, I remembered what Tracie had told me about the healing happening to my body and I thought of Shane and how the previous night he had watched beavers digging through his DNA getting all of the death and decay out. These two thoughts were very reassuring and gave me the strength to work with the medicine and I began to actively heal myself.

I began "cleaning out my brain" as it seemed to me. The entire Maloka seemed to become completely equivalent to my brain, perhaps it could be described as an exact representation though on a high fractal scale? I was lying down inside the Maloka/inside my brain and there was a lot more shaking and twisting and turning and circles and circles of the same thoughts. I then began digging my fingers into my eyes and nose and ears. This was an incredible cleansing process and did not hurt, I was intuitively doing what was necessary and it was almost like the medicine was controlling my movements and I was not objecting. This digging into my eyes/nose/ears was extremely physical and I reached quite far into these holes, much further than I could currently do.
Explanations: Brian told me he once had a vision of a personified Ayahuasca spirit and its limbs could stretch far and could seep into people like roots, breaking into many limbs and becoming very fine and thin. This seems to be what happened to my fingers, they were somehow able to dig deep into these parts of my body though it seems physically impossible.
A more scientific explanation: Atoms are made of 99.99% empty space, the amount of space this is, is analogous to the space between our solar system and other stars. That is an incredible amount of space. Therefore, in this DMT state of consciousness (which throughout the ceremony continued to make matter seem incredibly less concrete and more malleable or permeable) my atoms were manipulated to allow for the insertion of my fingers into these parts of my body.
During this experience there was a reptilian-alien archetype going on, I felt I was like part reptile, though still intelligent. I kept doing this curling type motion with my tongue that added to this greatly. I also felt very alien, I believe this is because we are coming to know who we really are, which includes this reptilian aspect of consciousness. And we feel "alien" because we feel less human..and we feel less human because our concept of a human (which we are) had a very rigid and defined structure to it, that obviously did not include this reptilian consciousness.
John had had this reptilian experience for three ceremonies now, and he kept saying he was turning into a reptile-alien type creature.
The following day I showed John the Introduction of the book Symbols and the Symbolic by R. A. Schwaller de Lubicz. The Introduction discussed three different aspects of our brain, relating to different evolutionary epochs and relating to different types of consciousness. The hind brain was the earliest part of the brain developed during the reptilian phase of consciousness and the Egyptians would use symbols to evoke different aspects of our consciousness--it seems to me that these symbols were almost certainly used in congruence with some psychoactive sacrament, most likely containing DMT.

For a while I could not understand the concept of time and I was struggling greatly with trying to imagine how the sun would rise tomorrow. I thought I had finally broken free of the binds of the illusion of everyday existence (the illusion referred to by Buddha), but I thought that returning to everyday existence in the morning would be going back into the illusion, so I thought I had no choice but to stay in eternity, though I was not in the blissful eternity of enlightenment.

I felt I was finally joining everyone at the Temple in this eternity and I thought that they had just been illusions of my mind throughout my time at the Temple.. These thoughts/feelings are very difficult to explain and do not make much sense (obviously) I was having a very rough time understanding what was going on still.
I then was trying to think of the Earth and how we are going around the Sun and how the Sun would rise in the morning and how I was in South America and my friends were above me in North America..I could not get a grasp on any of this and this did not help my current state. haha.

There was also a vibe going on that I was rejoining an ancient ancestral brotherhood. I was now finally somehow open to these beings and I was kind of reawakening into this ancestral brotherhood to which I belonged, and had belonged for eons. This was perhaps some kind of light warriors brotherhood. With this I felt a very strong Matrix motif: like I was being taken out of the matrix and shown who I really am. Being out of the Matrix would be analogous with the altered state of consciousness induced by the medicine, then during the day we would "go back into the matrix" in the name of Light and Love to save others and rid the world of evil. Verbalizing this puts a very megalomaniac-type twist on it, but that was not present in the experience, it was simply "what was going on" for me and my reality. The next morning John and Petra were discussing the same "Ancient ancestral brotherhood" motif going on and the Matrix motif.
..we just kept saying "wild.. just wild.."

Still going through the intense processes described above, John came over to me--I was lying down on my mattress--and said hello. He was ecstatic and full of love (his description) and he told me I was doing great (he had known for some time that I was having a rough night getting a lot of shit out..he was on the mat next to me, and had seen all of my intense movements and flailing about). He said he loved me and I told him the same. I touched the top of his head (he has a completely shaved head), it felt awesome, the same as how touch can feel awesome on mushrooms. This interaction was perfect, so necessary and very helpful.
John had this Egyptian demi-god archetype going on. He had a shaved head and was shirtless. His laugh was deeper than normal and bellowed. Then to top it all off, I was seeing him in my own altered DMT-state which made his entire aura that much more mystical and less material.

Horacio came to sing to me and, though it was intense, I felt very safe with him. Sitting cross-legged, facing one another, I hugged him for most of his icaros and put my head against his. This felt amazing and I felt so safe and loved.

Finally, I was able to stand and I walked out to the front of the Maloka to pee. Standing and walking brought me fully back into my body and the fresh air outside felt amazing. After peeing I saw a woman figure, but couldn't quite make her out, so I was wondering how "real" this figure actually was. As she approached though, I noticed it was Andrea. She looked amazing! Wearing a white dress/gown that was linen and wrinkled, she presented this very specific Mother Nature/grandmother/goddess motif. We hugged for a good long time and for the next 45 minutes or so she helped me greatly understand what was now going to happen to me, in light of the intense healing I had just received.

Andrea explained to me that I now needed to control my sexual energy. As she said this pinkish geometrical patterns came into my vision and down by my 2nd chakra (the sex center below the navel) I saw a lotus flower symbol of the same color and immediately recognized it as the symbol of the 2nd chakra (I knew each chakra had a color and lotus flower associated with it, though I did not know specifically how the 2nd chakra's flower looked--its color is orange
Around this time it became clear to me that the medicine had lifted what had been blocking me and I was now able to see the energy around me that everyone had previously been describing to me. Andrea must have known this is what happened and she then said "You now must use this energy [referring to the energy I was seeing, which was energy that was coming into me from the vacuum, or the cosmic source, or reality] for service for God" Just as she said this I saw this energy in and around her body, it was all clear light, some colored, that did not obscure the images of the "material world"--rather it seemed a veil had been lifted and I was seeing a new reality that allowed me to see this energy as is passes through the now not-so-material world.
We then sat on a bench outside the Maloka and took everything in. She told me it was my birthday and that I would no longer be limited by the control I had in myself and that I had to forgive my father. She said I could now become who I really am and begin to learn who I really am.

The time outside with Andrea was so meaningful and brought me into the love and light after a night spent in the dark.
This was a very humbling experience and I woke up feeling renewed and new-born.

January Between Workshops: Ceremony 6 - Jesus!

2010-02-08T03:30:00.000-05:00

Intention:
Allow me to surrender to the medicine.
Heal me in whatever way I need.

Experience:
I began to perceive that my body was teeming with consciousness--every aspect of my body, every cell.
This led to the revelation that we have been trapped inside our minds, only experiencing the thinking consciousness that occurs in the brain. It seemed to me that this was another way we are being controlled. When dealing with a body part, for instance the heart, I would never feel my heart from the innate consciousness that is my heart, the consciousness that resides in each cell of my heart. I would stay in my brain and think about my heart and have my arm put my hand up to my chest to touch my heart. In computer science that is called a pointer. The pointer doesn't actually contain the information, it is just a reference to the information. It is indirect and objective and secondary. This is what is meant by the Chinese proverb "Mistaking the pointing finger for the moon."
This understanding can be used to show how our entire lives are lived inside our own minds. This keeps us from experiencing what is real. We should begin by becoming completely conscious throughout our entire body for the entire day. This is actually one of the major keys to enlightenment, awareness or watchfulness, and this is a very difficult exercise. A difficult exercise when we are not doing anything. But on top of that, we are constantly bombarded with noise that makes it necessary for us to stay inside our brain. Most people spend all day at work stuck inside their mind, for their mind is the only place they can be to do their job successfully.
So, with this established, I tried to feel my heart, with my heart..not with my brain through my hand or through the development of an image and concept that I have a heart and it is located in my chest. As my consciousness went there, I felt a great amount of power and a feeling of coming home.
Then I felt as if my body was a match and my heart was the flame at the head of the match.
Then it was like an upside down sword with my handle at my heart and the flame there and a crown around my heart. This reminded me of some picture of Jesus with his heart showing through his clothes.

The resemblance is striking, Jesus has a cross there, not an upside down sword, but they are the same shape. Also, there is fire and his crown of thorns. In all the pictures it is always the crown of thorns, in my mind it was like a king's crown. Writing this blog is the first time I've had a chance to see this picture of Jesus I knew existed..I cannot believe all three features I distinctly noted in my journal are in the pictures! Wild!!

My heart completely embodied fire and my chest became physically hot. With my breath I could move the fire from my heart to other areas of my body (specifically to muscles). My heart also had this shield aspect to it and I had a very warrior feel to me and my weapon was my heart which had limitless power.

Later I began riding myself of bad energy that was stuck inside me. That is the only way I can really explain it and the purging done was through facial contortions and spitting and making different sounds with my breath (mainly to soothe myself, for this was a fairly intense process as all this energy was flowing through me) and lastly shaking. For the shaking I was lying on my back and I would put my arm in the air and it would shudder and it felt like this was just filling me with light and energy. Consciously going through this process and moving and breathing and such in very distinct ways that just happened to feel "right" and necessary at the time made me feel like I was getting a glimpse at the magic used in ancient Egypt (I had been reading The Sign and the Seal and had just read the part about how Moses, as next in line for King, would have most likely been a High Priest and initiated into all the secrets and magic of the Egyptians, which I believe is a lot more real than people suspect. Especially after seeing how much we can manipulate reality during ceremonies like these.

After some time of being able to handle the contortions and bodily movements, everything began to get really intense and just as I sat up, Horacio sat down to sing to me, beautifully perfect timing. He then proceeded to do what can only be explained as an exorcism..like an actual exorcism. Like there was something very real, though non-physical, in me and his icaros and actions got this energy out of me. Up to this point, this was the most intense and overwhelming experience of my life. His icaro and my perception went hand in hand, and all the intensity subsided just as he stopped singing, like he knew his work had been completed.

Then I perceived that the reason I made so many friends at school was to connect myself with this large number of people, so that when I came to the Ayahuasca, the medicine would not only be able to begin extracting evil from myself, but also from all of these people that I was so intricately connected with (..intricately connected because I was good friends with them). This caused the entire exorcism event to take on a very Jesus motif and I understood his freeing humanity of sins. I experienced on a much smaller scale something comparable, though I was only a vessel, I only brought deep-rooted evil and docility to the medicine, Horacio and the medicine provided the rest.
Two very interesting Jesus motifs played out in the same night, and Matthew had just been talking a couple weeks prior how there was a very definite Jesus connection at the Temple (though Matthew is not Christian, or claim to be Christian or anything).

Shane and John (other volunteers) popped into my head so distinctly a couple times and this gave me love and power to continue to fight this evil.

This was obviously my first really "out there" experience. I did not even realize how symbolic of information I was accessing with the Jesus heart thing.

Vomitivo

2010-02-08T01:44:00.000-05:00

7am:
Drink a plant the Maestras make for you.
Chug water..chug water..chug water until the swallowing forces you to vomit.
Then chug more water..and more water, till you vomit again.
The first one I did I kept doing this process until I had drank 5 liters, then I finally got to stick my fingers down my throat and get the rest out.

January Between Workshops: Ceremony 3

2010-02-08T00:39:00.000-05:00

This was my 5th Ayahuasca experience--I had done two before the first Workshop.

Background:
During the previous ceremonies my head would kind of hurt..It was like I could feel the magnetization going on in my brain and this magnetization was this very heavy and rigid super-highway of neuronal connectivity that seemed to be the thought patterns my mind has formulated over 22 years, they were clearly too concrete and seemed to be limiting my growth and limiting my thought processes--keeping me sort of close minded, where I would only interpret reality through these very defined patterns, never allowing for something new.
Note: it was very interesting to feel this in my brain and allocating this feeling to rigid thought patterns was innate to the feeling, opposed to having been conceptualized after an analysis of the feeling.

Intention:
Heal my mind (in reference to above)

Experience:
Very physical.
Not too long into the ceremony I went to the bathroom and vomited.
Then for the next 1.5 hours I was opening up the mucous passage ways in my head through this kind of gag reflex that makes you choke almost. This felt incredible great though, rather than painful because I was purging gross shit out of me. This choke-type feeling would cycle through various degrees, continually hitting a pinnacle where this gag-throw-up sound would come out, but it was different and much more intense. It sounded like a bird squawking. This was accompanied by myself feeling like a bird-type creature, similar to the representation of the Egyptian god Thoth. This was just the first of many Egyptian archetypes that I experienced.

In the midst of all the squawking, Colin came into the bathroom to see if I was alright, then returned 5 minutes later, burning some palosanto, a wood incense.

Colin then proceeded to do his own brand of healing on me, which was absolutely incredible. He held the palosanto close to my skin and would blow on the burning end, rushing hot air onto my skin. He did this up and down my body (I was only wearing shorts). He combined this with simple Reiki hand positions, placing his hand on my chest/heart, on my head, on my feet (which he did just as I was thinking/feeling my feet were in need of it). Together these techniques filled me with energy and power--what I thought of in my head as vital energy. I was up against the wall, broad-chested, standing tall (looking huge, for my chest, stomach, and neck muscles had all been flexed for the past hour or so while I was squawking) and I just began to laugh. It felt ecstatic and I was in amazement for what he was doing to me and the energy I was receiving from him/the Source, if you will.
As all of this was happening, my stomach was getting larger and larger, the Ayahuasca was just brewing something nasty to detox me.

I finally went to lie down in the Maloka, still with a brewing stomach. Finally after another hour or so, I went back to the bathroom and pissed out my ass for so long. Sorry, openly discussing shit-pissing is done quite frequently at the Temple, since it is soo obvious that it is happening to everyone. It is nice to be at a place where it is okay to do/discuss something like shit-pissing and everyone actually talking about how great it is to get all of that nastiness out of your system.

Lol, ridiculous.

January 21-January 31: 8 Ceremonies in 11 Days

2010-02-07T23:49:00.001-05:00

Between Workshops is when the volunteers get to do their own healing work with the Maestras. Eight Ayahuasca ceremonies in 11 days is intense--2 ceremonies, day off is the pattern. After the first four I was very worn down and became a little sick. I had tons of diarrhea and couldn't eat much food and I had to skip the 5th ceremony. By the 6th ceremony the following day (January 28) I had almost fully recuperated and had a strong intuition to drink.

The 3rd, 6th and 8th ceremonies have been the best for me, each time I felt renewed the next day and kept thinking to myself "Okay, now my healing has finally begun." Each was so much more intense and mind blowing then all the previous experiences...

First Workshop - My First Two Weeks at the Temple

2010-02-07T23:39:00.001-05:00

I was just as new to the Temple as all of the Workshop participants and spent the entire first two weeks trying to acclimate myself and remind myself why I left all my amazing friends in Atlanta to come to the Peruvian Amazon to vomit and sweat and shit piss.

I cried a couple of times, just being thankful for my friends while missing them greatly--sorry, I'm going to try to leave nothing out, it is a real shame that society presses men to not express any more "feminine" traits anyway, there is a great amount of balance that is lost in this. I really love all of you and thank you so much for the past 5 years of my life. You guys provided me a rare opportunity--to graduate with high honors from Georgia Tech by getting drunk and high most of the time.

I came out of the jungle into Iquitos on January 16, only 10 days after I arrived and I wanted Atlanta back.

I love you all, thank you.

Ayahuasca Ceremonies at the Temple

2010-02-07T23:20:00.000-05:00

Intention and surrender are the keys to beneficial ceremonies. Your experience manifests around your intention (if your intention is sufficient, though the medicine may have other ideas if you aren't going in the right direction) and you must become docile to what the medicine does with you. If you are docile, you can begin to work with the medicine and consciously take part in the healing of your spiritual/mental/physical body complex. If you do not become docile, the ceremony is likely to be a difficult one. People's intentions are usually to heal or to work with a specific psychological aspect of themselves where they have difficulty. My most recent intention was to clear anything blocking my advancement/growth and vision.

The ceremony begins at 9pm and people begin coming into the Maloka around 8pm. The maestras(os) (Masters in spanish, these are the shamans) arrive around 8:45. Then in two groups, everyone goes to the center where the maestras sit to take the medicine. The ayahuasca is a dark brown drink that smells and tastes awful. The first try was not too bad, but once you have vomited ayahuasca, it is always appalling. I take it pretty well because of all the straight shots I took as a freshman..perfect.

Then you go back to you respective spot in a circle around the Maloka where you have a 4" mattress and a blanket and pillows (and a vomit bucket, ashtray for smoking mapacho cigarettes, and your flashlight..all the necessities of any spiritual journey).

After 45 minutes or so the Maestras begin singing their icaros, which are essentially their healing songs. These songs mainly will induce beautiful visions/feelings or help exorcise something out of you--anything from physical purging to demonic entities/bad energy.

The ceremony usually lasts until 1-3am and people either walk back to their Tambos (huts) or sleep in the Maloka (which I do every time).

Traveling to Lima and Iquitos

2010-01-05T17:10:00.001-05:00

Highlights:

Cigarettes at the Lima Airport are $2 a pack.
They have pictures of mouth cancer and tell you how many mg of nicotine, carbon monoxide and some other chemical are in them.
Reds have 10 mg of CM and the other chemical and only 0.6 mg of nicotine...gross.

I also bought some Coca Tea - 25 tea packets for $3..awesome.
The store also had a microwave in the back so the 2 ladies let me make some and I chatted with them about some things for a good bit.
I was too worn down to notice any real effects of the tea yet..

Stepping off the plane in Iquitos, there were a couple planes with mud and shit all over them, it reminded me of some kind of intense jungle expedition from the 70s or something.

I took a moto-taxi (motor-trike) with a woman who works for the Temple, buys the food and various things they need from Iquitos.
I was trying to communicate in Spanish with her while the driver is driving just as you imagine they do in South America. Mainly, the on-coming traffic lane is also the passing lane. So I was trying to take in the sights of the city while being driven more crazy then I've even driven, while speaking a language I barely know. ..overwhelming. But I was loving it.

Brian takes me into the Rainforest to the Temple tomorrow..

Hopefully I can find the Orange Bowl on TV or online. haha.
ATWTU.

Kevin